Media Violence - Formal Tone

The article discussed the various ways violence has seeped into today's society. Starting from newspapers and moving towards the television, the article covers the major devices through which violence has affected young and adult people around the world. The writer also provides statistics regarding the effect of violence on different ages. It points out that not all children who witness violence on television are likely to act upon it.

However, while the content was fine, the structure, tone and the style was something that could definitely be improved. Almost every introduction line on each paragraph could have been written better, or written more precisely. One example of this is "As early as 1958 investigations were being conducted of the effects of television on children." Although the reader can understand the content, the writer could have written it as "Investigations into the effects of television on children were being conducted since 1958." It's just an attempt to make the piece sound a little more ... "professional"?. It is a formal piece after all.

Regarding the tone of the writer, it seems to be more informal than formal. There are a few sentences whereby the reader can feel that the writer is talking to his friends about this topic. It was also challenging to find the main point of this piece. It was hard locating the thesis. There are also miniscule errors such as writing "t.v" and forgetting to add apostrophies and capitalising when needed. Overall, though, I found it to be mediocre.


Sahil