Debunking Media Violennce - Formal Tone

For one thing, this editorial did not sound formal from start to finish. There were numerous inclusions of the audience (by saying We, I, and our).

This editorial was completely different from the piece written by Jenkins (regarding Virginia Tech). I found a few errors about grammar and structure throughout the piece, and felt that this piece should not be used as an example of a good editorial. Jenkins's article would be a better choice.

I also found that the editorial was not organized as well as it could have been. The topics jumped back and forth, talking about Tom and Jerry -> Entertainment -> Video Games -> Cartoons -> V-Chip -> Entertainment again. I also found unnecessary repetition used by the author, mainly the word "So". One paragraph ended with "So our government and our society have been down this path before. " and the next one began with "So what should be done about violence in the media?" There were also a few lines that were not needed, and the editorial would have looked a lot more professional had those lines been cut off. An example of this would be "So our government and our society have been down this path before. " Lastly, I felt that the writer could have requested someone to edit their piece using a fine comb. There were many examples that suggested that this piece was, in fact, informal. An example would be "So another solution to solving the violence in the media problem is to use the V-chips. Sounds simple, and it could help stop a lot of the violence that children see on television." ... Sounds simple? ... Again with the use of "SO" ...

The only upside to this piece was the fact that this editorial did contain a good portion of facts and statistics. They enhanced the writer's opinion regarding media violence.


Sahil